Top Tips: A Guide to Toxic Self-Care

Honestly don’t worry about it, just trust me 😉

#1 — Ghost Your Friends

Have you been really overwhelmed with even moderate social contact? Do you feel like your friends have committed minor perceived offenses that are unacceptable? If you answer yes, and I know you did, this leads to our first toxic tip.

It’s time to forget the good times, and ghost your friends. Tell them you’re sick or that you had a “family emergency” or any number of whiney excuses that you would use on your college professor.

One of the more essential methods that you can employ is something I’ve coined as This is your fault, or maybe not but as long as its not my fault. If you’re anything like me, then you hate to take the blame even when it doesn’t matter. In the delusional reconstruction of your friendship, you have to make your friends out to be the bad guys.

“How dare you invite me to brunch when you know the sun is more dangerous from 9am to 11:30 am. My SPF 30 face stick is NOT strong enough for your bullshit, Stephanie.”

“How could you invite me to your birthday dinner when you know I feel awkward around other people’s parents.”

These are the kinds of things you have to be thinking in order to successfully ghost your friends.